I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
