it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
