I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
