I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it was like eating out sand paper
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
