Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
