she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
