***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
