as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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