he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
