bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
