So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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