i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
