Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
