I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
