Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
birth control should be required to get into college
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
