If i come over, it means nothing
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
