As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
