When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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