She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
