How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
