It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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