not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
