I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
