The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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