omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
