On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
