Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
