all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I have post one night stand depression
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
