I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
