Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
wow bdsm is so cute
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