worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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