Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I forgot how hot balto sounded
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
