i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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