so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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