Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Of course I have a pirate flag
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
