I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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