Ketchup is God's man juice
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
