I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
