Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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