It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
