just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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