I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
