But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
