And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I got inside last night via doggy door
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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