No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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