in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
