I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
