a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
