Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
