Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
