woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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