and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
