so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
