My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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