I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
