I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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