didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
