It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
