Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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