Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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