I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
