I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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