Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Rumble strips road head = magical
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
