He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
