piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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