I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
ttyl tear gas
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
All I want is dick and wine.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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