Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
